


the truth of nostalgia

by ivelostmyspectacles



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Fireworks, Fourth of July, Friendship, Gen, Homesickness, bittersweet but hopeful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 02:03:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15159998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/ivelostmyspectacles
Summary: “But here is the truth of nostalgia: we don't feel it for who we were, but who we weren't. We feel it for all the possibilities that were open to us, but that we didn't take.”It's their first time seeing fireworks since Insomnia fell.





	the truth of nostalgia

It was difficult to erase the view of fireworks in Insomnia from his mind’s eye. Watching with dad when he was younger, watching with the guys when dad as to busy… well, you didn’t forget the view you got there. The memories you had at home.

It was weird to do this here, at Galdin, with the splashing of waves and kids running down the beach. It was too… hot, and noisy, weirdly enough, despite that Insomnia was gods knew how many times bigger. Everything smelled like brine. Sand beneath his toes instead of the Citadel’s marble floor, instead of concrete from his balcony at the apartment. Wet and shifting beneath his feet and hands as he leaned back, tilted his head up towards the dark sky. It was… scenic– he loved the Quay, it was still one of his favorite places to visit when they had the time or Dino had a favor, but…

It wasn’t home, right? Not that they had one of those anymore.

The stars were beautiful, but he almost couldn’t appreciate them just then. He was tired, and homesick and bitter, and he didn’t want to take part in these festivities but he hadn’t had the heart to tell the guys that they should move on.

So, here he was.

“Noct.”

He tilted his head from the stars and to Ignis instead, letting his head loll back on his shoulders. “Specs. Find anything good?”

“I did, actually,” he said, sitting down next to him. “Festivals always have the most curious of ingredients. I can always find a good stockpile.”

 _“Please_ tell me there’s no vegetables.”

Ignis only gave him _that_ smile, a small thing that spoke volumes enough to the question and Noct might have rolled his eyes a little more seriously than he previously intended. It was meant to be _fond,_ the same way Ignis teased while simultaneously sneaking vegetables into his meals. He didn’t think it came off that way, but he couldn’t take it back now.

He wished he could, especially at Ignis’s next words, sounding carefully chosen after a few moments of silence. “We didn’t need to stay if you didn’t want to, Noct.”

“I…” Noct pursed his lips, pushing himself up from lounging. “… didn’t want to ruin the fun,” he muttered, dragging his knees to his chest.

“You’re not having fun,” Ignis pointed out. Unaccusingly, as was Ignis’s way, although it still made him want to shrink in further on himself because he was _ruining_ this.

“No, I’m fine. It’s fine.”

“Noct.”

“I’m just, I dunno… homesick. I guess.” It felt stupid to say, now, when Insomnia had fallen what seemed like _ages_ ago, when this was just a fireworks festival and there were bigger things he could have _emoted_ over. Didn’t know why it was this when it could have been anything else. It was just… stupid.

“It’s not Insomnia,” Ignis agreed, tilting his head back to look at the stars. “Although… it _is_ a nice substitute until we’re able to celebrate in the Citadel again.”

“If,” Noct muttered. Yes, he was being moody, damn it. He was allowed that, right?? Besides, Ignis had already picked up on it, and he’d never had to hide with him. Why start now?

“When,” Ignis said firmly, and Noctis let the conversation dwindle, again, not wanting to start an argument that would only upset the both of them.

Ignis missed Insomnia, too; they all did. Gladio had lost his dad, Ignis had lost his uncle, and Prompto had joined Crownsguard only to have the whole thing go to hell almost immediately following. They had all lost everything they had ever known. There had been no mistaking the red eyes immediately following those days, both from Noct himself, _and_ the other three.

So it wasn’t just him. He knew that. ‘s why he tried not to make a big deal out of it now, tried not to act out the way he had immediately upon finding out, but…

These were the things they ought to be doing in Insomnia, and that _hurt._ He didn’t think it was ever _not_ going to hurt.

Ignis was, again, the one to eventually break the silence. “You can go to sleep now, Noct, if you want. I’ll accompany you back, even.”

He shot him an incredulous look. “And make you miss out on fireworks? Yeah, right.”

A slight shrug, a press of fingers to glasses and a careful motion not to look away from the stars. “There’s always next year.”

It was _tempting–_ none of them would be surprised if he fell asleep, old injuries and the weight of the Crystal causing his constant exhaustion, but it still felt like some sort of cop-out. Maybe he’d give it a little while longer, see how overwhelming this thing continued to be–

A firework exploded in the sky above, and Noct flinched more out of surprise than anything else. “Or not,” he mumbled, although looked up in time to see the fading red and gold fade off into nothing but smoke tendrils in the sky. The _boom_ echoed in his chest, settling low into his stomach and bones.

From near the water’s edge, Prompto nearly fell over; as it was, he still dropped the sparkler he was holding, exclaiming as he tried to fish it out of the tide. “Gladio! They’re starting! Get the camera!!”

“I don’t have it.”

“What?!”

“I’m _kidding._ Don’t look at me like that.”

“That’s not funny!” A burst of light and sound went off so many feet above Prompto’s head, ignited out from the platform in the ocean. “Gah, we’re missing it!”

“You’re watching it already.”

“No, I need pictures!! Camera, give it!!”

It was dazzling, really. The echoes in his chest were settling almost into warmth, something he hadn’t felt all night. It was… surprising, even as he leaned back to get a better view. Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he’d been overthinking it. They reminded him of Insomnia, and that part was well and truly gone now, but… the other parts…

The fireworks. The smell of food and smoke. Prompto bounding towards him and Ignis, snapping pictures and exclaiming excitedly; Gladio looking both resigned and amused and yet unable to look away from the sky. Ignis, still at his side, looking at the fireworks with fondness, and then looking at Noct even moreso.

“Well, Noct?” he asked, when Noctis caught his gaze.

… he still had them. His dad had been murdered and his city was in shambles, but he still had his people behind him. Beside him. His friends hadn’t gone anywhere. And he kind of– definitely– figured they never would, either.

… maybe it wasn’t so bad, Noctis thought with a small smile. Bittersweet was better than just plain bitter.

“Think I’ll stay awhile longer,” he said aloud, and might have even huffed in embarrassment when Ignis smiled back at him.

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to do something cute and fun for the 4th but bittersweet and hopeful came out instead? But that's okay?? That's good! Let Noct be wistful and homesick and still grieving for things that he never got the chance to say goodbye to. He's not being a brat, he's being _human!!_ Anyway, bittersweet and hopeful thank god the boys are still with him <3
> 
>  
> 
> Quote from [Welcome to Night Vale](http://nightvalequotes.tumblr.com/post/57899210874/thinking-back-ladies-looking-back-gentlemen)


End file.
